God is in This Story

If you know me at all, you know that music is an integral part of my life – it is almost as important to me as Jesus, and my family, and oxygen. Music has provided a soundtrack to the highest highs and the lowest lows of my life. My favorite music tends to be Christian, especially worship music. But I also like country, gospel, classic rock, hard rock, show tunes…you name it! In the past few years my daughter has introduced me to her favorite artist – Ben Rector. And I’m a fan! Last year, Sarah and I took a trip to Cincinnati to see Ben in concert, along with an artist named Cody Fry. They performed with the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra, and I was MESMERIZED. I quickly became a Cody Fry fan and an even bigger Ben Rector fan. So much so that we went again last fall to Grand Rapids, MI to see them again, this time with the Grand Rapids Symphony. One of the songs they performed at both concerts is a song by Cody entitled “What If”. This song quickly became an all-time favorite. I’ve probably listened to it about a thousand times since I first heard it.

Here are the lyrics to this beautiful song, and HERE is a link to listen as you read along:

I drive across bridges so worried about falling that I miss the view
Already watching the news reports saying “there was nothing anyone could do”

In my mind, what if I fall
What if it’s in my mind

What if I fly, get a little higher
Get out of my head for a minute and just feel the wind on my face
Maybe the fear just means I’m alive
Maybe I’ll fall, but what if I fly…fly…fly
(What if I, what if I)

I think of you, pick up my phone then put it down again
There’s no way for you to reply to the messages I never send

In my mind we never fall in love
But what if I’m on your mind

What if I fly get a little higher
Get out of my head for a minute and just feel the wind on my face
Maybe the fear just means I’m alive
Maybe I’ll fall but what if I fly…fly…fly
(What if I, what if I)
Yeah when I get to the end of the end of my life
I wanna know that I used my time
So what if I fall Straight out of the sky
Would I rather look back and wonder
Or know that I actually tried

What if I fly, get a little higher
Get out of my head for a minute and just feel the wind on my face
Maybe the fear just means I’m alive
Maybe I’ll fall but what if I fly…fly…fly
(What if I, what if I)
Fly…fly…fly

I’ve never met Cody Fry (yet!), but I can’t help wondering what kind of experience he has had with anxiety. Every once in a while, I come across a song that really describes experiences I’ve had with anxiety and agoraphobia but have never been able to put into words. But none has ever done so more than this one! In the past I missed out on so much because of “what if” thinking. I would imagine the worst scenario and then wonder what if it actually happened. I missed out on so much!

At one point (actually, probably more than one), my therapist challenged me to combat the “what if” with “then what?” What if the absolute worst thing that I imagined actually happened? My answer was usually some form of “then I would have a panic attack and be even worse off than I already was”. I was so afraid of panicking that I did everything I could to avoid it, including actually living.

As I’ve shared in other posts, it took a long time, a lot of work and some miraculous intervention from God, but over the past few years I’ve learned to find out the answer to “then what”. I’ve learned to “get out of my head for a minute and just feel the wind on my face” – and it feels great! The “what if” thoughts still creep in, but now instead of “then what”, I have a new reminder (no offense to my therapist 😊)…

What if I fly?